The past several days I’ve felt crappy AGAIN! Grrr… Maybe it is hormonal. It probably has to do with not sleeping regularly which makes me not eat regularly, which in turn I forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water. So, I’m all F’d up.
I want to be excited about Patrick coming home, but for some reason I can’t be. I just keep thinking about how he’s going to leave again March 2nd and miss Clarissa’s birthday. 8mos of seeing my husband in the past 2yrs is just really not enough. 😦 I want consistency. I HATE IT when he comes home I get all close to him, get all comfortable and secure with him being around, being able to count on him at a regular time and than Blam!!! He’s gone again, I’m alone. The kids miss their Daddy and I miss my best friend. Maybe it’d be easier if I had some girl friends my age to hang out with when he isn’t around, but I don’t. I did before me moved this last time, but now I don’t.
I am soooo sick of being alone. I am sick of feeling happy to just be disappointed. I’m sick of having to tell Clarissa for the past 10days or so when she asked “Is it time to go pick up Daddy yet”, that it wasn’t and showing her on the calender that it wouldn’t be until today. Yesterday she cried in my arms because she thought “Tomorrow Night” meant last night. Grrr… I feel pain in my own heart for missing him and than I feel the pain for each of the kids too. I am surprised my heart hasn’t imploded yet.
I hate being angry. I just want to be happy.