Dear Journal,

Well, yesterday was Patrick’s last day at home for 6mos. We kept the kids home from school and he got home from work (he had duty the night before) around 10:30am and we ended up just spending the day as a family. We watched TV together and Patrick and I cuddle while we watched the kids play (and argue at times) and than had a “movie” night where we watched I-Robot (I really wasn’t sure about letting a 10, 7 and 5 yr old watch it, but mainly it was the cussing in it that was bad. The violence was “Pretend” and as our 5 yr old said if there was any sign of “blood” that’s katchup) Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be letting them watch anymore violent movies any time soon, but it was a good movie about tolerance and prejudice which was good.

We had a sort of going away party and Patrick BBQ’d and had pork ribs and just spent a really nice day together. He had to be to the ship by 12am on the 12th since they were leaving really early on the 13th. We tried keeping the kids up to take him as close to 12am as we could, but they were pretty tired so we went at about 10:30am to drop him off.

While we were hugging and kissing and saying our goodbyes and be goods a couple that was parked behind us asked if they could take our picture an email it to us. I thought that was really sweet and the pictures turned out really nice. It was good to have a family picture of us all smiling together even though we all felt like crying.

One thing I noticed about yesterday was in the AM I was pretty down (of course) but I did start feeling like I could actually do stuff and wanted to get things straightened up and done before Patrick got home. Feeling motivated to do anything really has been pretty elusive. It was a nice feeling and it stayed with me pretty much all day. Also, the last couple of nights I have been REALLY tired at around midnight which hasn’t been the case in YEARS! I am wondering if this medicine is finally kicking in. Also, I think it could be in large part an answer to prayers.

Another thing I realized yesterday was that after I posted the message on the Community sites that I’m a member of I was really feeling down and loanly. A little while latter when I was checking my email I had some really uplifting and comforting responses which actually might have been a MAJOR part of my uplifted spirits yesterday morning and not necessarily the medication. I don’t know if anyone could realize how nice it was to Vent and actually have someone sympathize and agree. Normally if I talk to people they just tell me to “hang in there”, “it can’t get worse”, “you’ll get through it”, “You knew what you were getting into”… etc. It was SOOOOO nice to hear people actually agree with how hard it is, how difficult it can be, and how it does seem to get worse. I don’t know what exactly about that just made me feel energized and feel like I can get through this. I think it made me realize that I am not as alone as I thought I was.

I am very thankful for the ladies that responded to my posts on the communities and I hope that I convey that to them as best I can. Not sure if words can descripe it exactly.

Well, I better make sure everyone is ready for school. I kept them home this AM but figured I could take them in late since they were up late last night. I’ll try and write more later.