January 4, 2011

Dear journal,

Just figured I’d start trying to journal daily. Just going to see how it goes and not stress myself out about it. Yesterday I woke up from a dream crying and I’ve been in a funk ever since. Just feel bad that I haven’t seen my Mom and Dad in along time, been about five years now. I’m torn between being close with my parents and keeping my distance. I know that sounds stupid but I have had to deal with goodbyes so much that I have some strange warped idea that if I am not close with my parents. It will hurt less when they die. I know logically that I could even go first and that if I keep this distance I will end up with just regret. There was a song in my dream in the background. “is it over” by Yohanna and I just kept thinking that it’s my fault we aren’t close.

Well for the most part I’ve been a big slacker the past few days, weeks actually. I need to get stuff sone! House is a mess. I just can’t seem to get motivated. Probably the money stress and worry about Patrick not working. Just so frustrating. I did win an iPod touch though so that was super awesome!!!

Well I better get to bed it’s after eleven. Kids are just now finally getting settled down and getting to bed. Grrr… Timothy was just down here asking me about a medley he wants to put together for the talent show. He should have been in bed an hour ago. He will probably take another hour getting ready for bed. Hehe