I went to blow out the candles on my cake and realized I pretty much had all that I wished for already. Kind of scary in some ways because I always worry when things are going well that something bad will happen. I understand that we grow in character and strength working through adversity but it’d be really nice to just sit back and just enjoy life.

I am so thankful for all that I have. I know I am blessed, but I just want things to last the way they are going for a little while at least. Patrick is finally retired from the Navy. Waiting over 16yrs to finally have what I’ve always dreamed of is exciting and scary at the same time. There is a freedom in it all. I’m excited for all the possibilities before me and all the opportunities for time to spend together as a family. I just want to be able to step up and step outside all these walls I’ve built up over the years to try and protect me from the disappointments, that didn’t really protect me just numbed me. Its soooo strange to feel again…I startle myself when I laugh, and surprised when I catch myself smiling for pretty much no reason at all.

It’s been really strange to realize how many times the thought of … “He’ll be heading out to Sea again” came into my mind. Almost like an excuse…I guess I used to use it to “shut down” when Patrick was home to not be so “close” with him. It’s really nice to be able to be close, but sooo strange. hehe

Ugh… Blah blah… Not sure why I’m tossing up all this stuff up here on this Blog. I guess I’m overflowing a little, got to let some of this stuff just spill over and out. Probably just the Birthday thing, one of those days to reflect and I’ve realized “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” and it’s like the song “Unwritten”

I am unwritten,
Can’t read my mind
I’m undefined
I’m just beginning
The pen’s in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten Oh

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can’t live that way oh, oh

Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I’m looking forward to hopefully 37 more years God willing. 😀