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Tired… Sick and tired… Ok not really sick…

I am just sitting here not going to bed for some reason. I am sooo tired, but instead I’m sitting here on the computer piddling my time away like always. I am sooo sick of being part of this “club” I never signed up form. I hate feeling like I’ve had no say in my life of what I wanted or needed. Patrick sent me an email today confirming that the Stenis isn’t due to go out until late 2006 and that he should be retired by than and I felt my heart “TRY” to be excited and fizzled out and that nagging voice said…”Yeah sure, I’ll belive it when I see it”… Continue reading →

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Thankfulness Journal

Dear Journal,

I have this book that I read a few months ago called “Feeling Good” it helped me learn about ways of taking negative Irrational thoughts and taking away the power that I give them. For example.. “Nobody likes me.” This irrational there are lots of people that like me, but just because this one person doesn’t, does not mean that nobody does. Make sense? Continue reading →

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Patrick’s Last day home

Dear Journal,

Well, yesterday was Patrick’s last day at home for 6mos. We kept the kids home from school and he got home from work (he had duty the night before) around 10:30am and we ended up just spending the day as a family. We watched TV together and Patrick and I cuddle while we watched the kids play (and argue at times) and than had a “movie” night where we watched I-Robot (I really wasn’t sure about letting a 10, 7 and 5 yr old watch it, but mainly it was the cussing in it that was bad. Continue reading →

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Found some poems I had forgotten about

Dear Journal,

I found this:

Navy Wife’s Prayer

Author Unknown

Dear Lord, give me greatness of heart to see,
The difference between duty and his love for me.

Give me a task to do each day,
to help pass the time while he is away;

Give me the understanding, so that I may know,
That when duty calls he must go;

And, Dear Lord, when he goes out to sea,
please bring him home safely to me.

and it really made me feel better.

Also here’s another which had several Navy Wife poems that I thought were up-lifting and sympathetic. http://www.submarinewivesclub.org/poems/poems.html Sometimes I just want someone to just agree with me that life sucks even though I know it won’t always feel this way. I’m feeling better now and not so alone.

Goodnight

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Me again :)

Dear Journal,

Well, after that last posting, and a good cry. I feel a little better. I’m also feeling really tired. I stupidly stay up way too late, I still have figured this one out. I guess I mainly just don’t like going to bed and laying there awake thinking of junk. Junk i’ve got to do, or the “Shoulding” on myself about things I should have done, or just being scared, or what ever. It’s always something.

So, anyway, maybe if I write in here every night before I go to bed it will help me to feel like someone is actually there listening, and that I have to talk with, and I won’t have to feel guilty for making someone feel bad also.

Ok off to bed now, I’m sleepy.